Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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