I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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