the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
