Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
