haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like death gave me a hand job
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
