The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
