just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
