NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
