Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
