So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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