If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
