So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
