I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
