Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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