i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So apparently I’m into choking now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize