period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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