we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
