He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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