My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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