Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
