Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
