ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
