So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
