So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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