Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
