Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
