Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i have two assholes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
