Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
