Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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