I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
