i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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