Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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