You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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