We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
