dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
