I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dick very happy bro
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
