Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
