You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
