Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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