I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
