On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
