i barfeds in our rink
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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