i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
