No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
