She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
