Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
