I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
