If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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