i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
