True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
