Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize