i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
