My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
