She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
