why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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