He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This house was built for laser tag.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
