Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
