So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
