I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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