Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
