Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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