U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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