so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
