I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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