Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
