READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
