This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
