My friends, they love my intelligence
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
