The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
