There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
