Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
