What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
