I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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