Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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