Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
