Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
