I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
