ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
