I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
