i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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