Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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