STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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