Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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