i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
